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The Christmas holidays are often the most difficult time of the year for separated parents, especially if the separation is recent. Communication is one of the most essential parts of co-parenting and its importance is magnified during the Christmas holidays.
There are several logistical hurdles involved in dividing holidays between both parents in addition to potential feelings of anger or loneliness that can wreck what is traditionally a joyous time of year. This can be particularly challenging for fathers who are often the parent that the children spend limited time with.
As tough as it is, advanced planning and a good attitude can go a long way towards reducing the stress of the Christmas holidays for yourself and your children while also starting some new traditions that you all grow to cherish.
You and the other parent might have disagreements but coming up with a schedule that works for both sides ahead of time and sticking to it can avoid the most common issues separated parents face during the Christmas holidays.
If your separation is recent or you have yet to make a Parenting Plan or have parenting orders from a court, conflict can quickly arise since nothing confirms the parenting timetable. This can result in issues since there’s little that can be done if one parent decides to refuse the other parent spending time with the children.
It’s important that you and the other parent put your personal disagreements to the side and work together on an agreement that will minimize conflict for your children. Odds are, your children want to see both of you at Christmas, especially if this is the first year that the Christmas holidays are different for them. The first Christmas after separation will almost certainly be the toughest, but the smoother you make the transition for the children, the better they will cope.
Adopting New Traditions
One of the most effective ways to get past the awkwardness that is inevitable during the first Christmas holidays as a separated family is to start new holiday traditions. This is a great way to make things fun and create new memories while avoiding dwelling on the past.
Your new traditions don’t have to be anything elaborate. It could be something as simple as buying a tree and decorating it or coming up with fun ways to stay connected while your parent in the days leading up to Christmas.
You could even start new annual events, like driving through town and trying to find the most elaborately decorated house. Whatever you do will depend on your Christmas holiday parenting time schedule, as well as the other parent’s flexibility. Regardless, you’ll still have the chance to come up with new traditions so that your children get the most out of the Christmas holidays even though their parents are separated.
The task of creating a fair parenting arrangement for the Christmas holidays is much difficult especially if there is high conflict or the parents live a considerable distance apart. Keep in mind, even if you and the other parent no longer get along, it is still your responsibility as parents to do what is right for the children, so they have a happy Christmas holiday.
Parenting Disagreements
Even if you enter the Christmas holiday season trying to keep things civil and friendly, many separated parents inevitably run into issues regarding the parenting timetable for the Christmas holidays. This is especially tough for a parent who the children don’t live with since they already get less time with their children than they would otherwise, and when problems do come up during the holidays they tend to be the ones who get the short end of the stick.
If you’ve had parenting orders made regarding a Christmas holiday schedule and the other parent refuses to abide by them, you can make an application to a family court for contravention of the parenting orders. Make sure to document everything that happens. Save texts and emails because they may be used in court as evidence. Also, any excuse the other parent makes for going against an agreement could be used as evidence. However, it can take quite some time to schedule a hearing and be quite expensive.
Before you make an application to a court for a contravention of a parenting order. You will also need a valid section 60i certificate from a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner that says you have attended or attempted Family Dispute Resolution in the last 12 months. The months leading up to Christmas is an especially busy time for Family Dispute Resolution particularly in government funded services such as Family Relationship Centres. So, get in early or consider using a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner that works in private practice. Family Relationships Online maintains a database where you can check for practitioners in your area.
It’s a good idea to get your agreement on Christmas holidays plans in writing ahead of time. A parenting agreement that is signed and dated by both parents constitutes a Parenting Plan, a court must take a Parenting Plan into consideration if a court is making a decision. You and the other parent can write the Parenting Plan yourselves or do it with the assistance of a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner.
The first Christmas holidays after separation is certain to be difficult. However, the more advanced planning you do the more likely it will go smoothly and the better off all parties will be.
If you are unclear about how to handle parenting arrangements during the holidays or are worried about the other parent withholding the children from you during the Christmas holidays, talk to a lawyer to figure out what legal options are available to you, or a Family Dispute Resolution Practitioner to see if a parenting arrangement can be negotiated or confirmed.
